


I Can't Hear You

by SmellyCats



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ASL, Alex Has No Life, Colorful Swearing, Deaf Alex, Flip A Damn Coin, I Once Again Stayed Up Writing Until 2:00, Jefferson Is Being An Asshole Again, M/M, Multi, Thomas Hates The World, asshats, gaaay, i have no life, jeffershit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-30 23:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10886886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmellyCats/pseuds/SmellyCats
Summary: Alexander Hamilton has finally made it to America to go to college. How will he deal with being deaf and all the discrimination he recieves? When will Jefferson stop being an ass?





	1. How Dare You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to fix the spelling and grammar errors, do not fret, I just wanted to post this before I forget. That rhymed, cool. Also, I'm not deaf, I'm sorry if I have made an inacurate portrayal of the struggles of being deaf. This is in no way meant to be offensive, and if you have personal experience with being deaf then please do enlighten me on the subject. I would like to portray deafness to the best of my ability.

Alexander squeezed through the torrent of students scrambling to get to their classes. Every fragment of the universe seemed as if it was trying to prohibit him from getting to class on time. He ran into several people as he ran through the campus halls to get to his college economics class. Hamilton jammed his hand into his jean pocket to pull out the map of the campus, he frantically opened it to attempt making sense of the ridiculous amount of buildings the college had. How many buildings does a college need? 

To his delight, he was in the wrong building, he swore at himself before quickly making his way across the court yard to the building containing all the classes pertaining to law. The campus was undoubtedly magnificient. Alex walked along the paved path that was lined with a million different types of flowers. In the vibrant grass there stood tall oak and willow trees, their leaves glistening in the morning sun. Ahead of Alex, where the pathways converged, there was a overly flamboyant fountain. It seemed a bit out of place because of the sheer size and the ridiculous amount of carving that went into the production of said fountain, nonetheless, it was impressive. 

Alex honestly couldn’t believe he was finally here, he was finally getting an education. Back in the Nevis education seemed so impossible, he thought he would be struggling to get by forever. That hurricane was possibly the best and worst thing that could’ve happened to him, his life was totally obliterated, everything he knew and loved had left him in one foul swoop. Even still, a new life began, he was moving up in the world, he has a goal to achieve and by God he is going to get there. 

Hamilton reached the large french double doors of the law building. Once again, they were ridiculously posh with their intricate carvings of leaves and flowers. They were thick and heavy but Alex managed. The inside of the building walls were adorned with dark red and accented with burnt umber. The ceiling was very tall, every entry way had a large triangular arch and marble pillars on the sides. In the middle of the commons the roof was made entirely out of glass.

Alexander had never seen anything like it. After he admired the grandeur of the room, he headed off to his economy class on the second floor. Luckily, class hadn’t started so he sat in the third row of ascending bleacher style seats. He found a spot next to a student wearing what seemed to be a fashion explosion. He had a shimmering magenta blazer and black slacks. He was also wearing brown leather boots that reached his knees, they had extremely thick, jagged soles and ‘rivets’ running along both sides of the foot. Alex could tell he was obnoxious already. This Fashion Explosion -as Alex named him- noticed Alex was staring at him and he waggled his eyebrows and started moving his mouth. Alexander knew he was speaking but ever since the hurricane, he had lost his hearing completely due to an injury from a tree branch. Alex rolled his eyes at the weirdo and then felt his vocal chords vibrate. His eyes went wide as he worried what he sounded, usually Alex was able to control his voice so that he wouldn’t accidentally make weird sounds around people. He was trying to be inconspicuous, therefore he also made sure his translator stood next to his teacher instead of next to him. Alex wasn’t ready to deal with discrimination.

Fashion Explosion looked momentarily surprised, then he smirked and leaned closer to Alexander, at this point Alex was feeling a panic attack coming on. He tried to regain control of the situation by redirecting his focus on the teacher walking into the room and completely ignoring the annoyance next to him. This proved to be a bad idea considering Fashion Explosion’s next move was to blow into Alex’s ear, Alex then promptly jumped and fell onto the ground. The man next to him laughed hysterically, his laugh stopped as his attention was snapped back to the front of the room. Alex deduced he had been reprimanded for being a disruption. 

Alex climbed back into his chair, his ears ringing from the impact of his head hitting the ground. For the rest of class Alexander took notes and furiously wrote retorts for the ass-hat next to him. This Fashion Explosion guy had terrible views and a total lack of political understanding. It was at times like this Alex wished he could still hear and speak, boy, if he could speak Fashion Explosion would have another thing coming. 

After his economics class, Alexander headed straight for his government class. He had a total of six classes because he was striving for a double major, he wanted to get out of here quick so he could pursue a career in politics. 

He arrived early this time so he got to choose his seat wisely. Without a doubt Alex wanted to sit in the front row. So, he plopped down on a seat and set his notebook out in front of him. He began writing about the events that went on with the Fashion Explosion guy and how he just couldn’t seem to get him out of Alex’s head. He was stuck, thinking about what Fashion Explosion might’ve said. Alex occasionally ran into these crisis’, these moments in his life where he longed to hear again. He used to be so loud, confident and had no fear of voicing his opinions. Now he was devastated because he would never again be able to tell people how he felt unless they knew ASL. Which most people don’t. It’s embarrassing to have a random person follow you around to translate what people were saying, naturally, Alex had no friends and no personal life. He could’ve gone to a deaf college if there was one in the area but there are none, so Alex was stuck. Overwhelming feelings of loneliness sometimes plagued him at night, he dealt with it by crying and writing. During those times the only thing he can do is try to distract himself

Students suddenly flowed into the room, cutting his thoughts short. Everyone around him laughed, chatted and hugged each other, it made Alex feel like an alien, he was totally separated from everyone in the room. All Alex had was himself and that’s all he’ll ever have. 

The teacher was a tall, bald man, his name was Washington apparently. Alex’s translator gave him the sign name for soldier with the letter ‘W’ he must be a veteran or something. He looked to be in his forties so it made sense. 

After about ten minutes into the lecture, the Fashion Explosion walked in alongside a short guy with light brown curly hair and freckles all over his face. Much to Alex’s dismay, the Fashion Explosion noticed him and decided to sit next to him. Soon after, the guy with the freckles followed, he sat on the other side of Alexander. Immediately, Fashion Explosion started annoying Alex, talking to him and touching his shoulder repeatedly, every time, Alex would bat his hand away and give him an angered expression, hoping he would get the message.   
\--Thomas  
“Hey, why aren’t you talking? Have my good looks gotten you tongue tied?” Thomas said as he waggled his eyebrows.  
\--  
Alex could tell he was talking again, Fashion Explosion waggled his eyebrows in a most annoying manner so he just turned away and looked at the other guy with the freckles. He gave Alex a bright smile and held out his hand, at first Alex was confused but he soon realized he needed to give him a handshake. This guy seemed really nice, Freckles -yet another creative name- started talking, Alex was yet again hit with an overwhelming void feeling when he realized they would probably never be friends with him. Alex looked over at his translator to see if maybe she was signing what Freckles was saying. Alex realized she was, he’d have to thank her later. He gave her a smile as she signed what the guy was saying.

ASL: “Hi, I’m John Laurens, what’s your name?”

Alex’s mind stalled for a second before he grabbed his notebook and scribbled ‘I’m Alexander Hamilton’ on it. John looked very confused at this point, he just stared at Alexander, making him temporarily die inside, then John started signing to him. Alexander could barely contain his excitement, this was not an everyday occurrence, John is the first person Alex has ever met that knows sign language without needing it for their profession. 

ASL: “Are you deaf? I’m sorry for speaking to you, that was rude. I apologize”  
ASL: “It’s okay, you didn’t know. You are forgiven.”

Suddenly there was a light tapping on Alexander’s shoulder, he diverted his attention to the Fashion Explosion on the other side of him. He seemed confused, he tried to talk to Alexander. When he didn’t answer, Fashion Explosion looked at John, they had a conversation that John was nice enough to sign for him.

ASL, John: “Stop speaking to him, that’s considered rude for a deaf person. If you need to talk to him, tell me to sign what you’re saying.”  
ASL, John: “He just said ‘oh, sorry’.”  
ASL, Alex: “Thank you for signing John, I’m really grateful.”  
ASL, John: “No problem, I’d be happy to do it any time. Do you want to eat lunch with me?”  
ASL, Alex: “Sure!”   
Fashion Explosion looked really baffled by their silent conversation, he just stared at them until they paid attention to the teacher again. 

\--- Thomas POV  
Thomas couldn’t believe the short man sitting next to him was deaf. He’d never met a deaf person before. Thomas wasn’t one to ignore good looks, so he quickly came accustomed to the fact that Alexander -John has told him his name- was quite good looking. However, that did not outweigh the fact that the guy was a totally arrogant prick, Thomas had seen those ‘notes’ he wrote about Thomas’ opinions. He had completely bogus ideals! Alexander had made an enemy of Thomas very quickly. Thomas didn’t care that Alexander was deaf, he was going to make sure to voice his opinions to him and do everything he could to annoy him.  
\--

Once class ended, Alex followed John to the lunch hall. They walked across the courtyard to a grand European style building, the doors were held open to signify that the food was ready. On the inside, the building looked a lot like the Harry Potter lunch hall. It was a big rectangular room with several rows of long tables and where the stage should be there was a door leading to the buffet. There were creepy paintings of people all along the walls near the ceiling and one long skylight that stretched across the roof longways. It definitely only added to the creepiness of a bunch of old men watching people eat. The paintings were even tilted down, it freaked Alex out a little.  
His attention was once again on John as he led him to the end of the food line. 

ASL, John: “What do you want to eat?”  
Alex looked at the large menu that was more of a billboard which was attached to a wall.   
ASL, Alex: “Can I get chicken curry?”  
ASL, John: “Of course!”  
ASL, Alex: “Thank you.”

Alex learned a lot about John in the short time it took to reach the tray rack, he apparently had two friends named Hercules Mulligan and a French man with a name so long it didn’t fit on his driver’s license or his passport, therefore he shortened his name to Lafayette. Alex let out a breathy laugh at this fact. He hoped he didn’t sound too weird. He also learned that John is openly gay and has really bad “daddy issues.”

Once they reached the tray rack, John ordered their food and paid for Alexander even through his protests. Alex came to the conclusion that John is just a nice guy in general. 

They sauntered over to a group of people at a table who Alex guessed was John’s friends. John introduced Alex to the group, all the while signing what he said. Herc and Laf, as John called them, were very interesting people. They had all taken ASL classes in High School so they signed with fluency. Alex was filled to the brim with ecstasy when he realized they could converse with him without the need of a translator. He buzzed with excitement as he signed about his day and how he’s striving for a double major. Everyone gasped.

ASL, Herc: “You’re in for a big workload, how are you going to manage it all?!”  
ASL, Alex: “Many sleepless nights I presume.”

They all let out hearty laughs. These men were Alex’s first friends since he lost his hearing, it was amazing how easily they accepted him and made him feel like he wasn’t so different. It was refreshing. He actually had a social life.

Alexander began signing his encounter with Fashion Explosion and everyone seemed puzzled by Alex’s sign name he gave the guy. He could practically see the gears turning in John’s head as he tried to figure out who it was. 

ASL, John: “I think that’s Thomas Jefferson. That’s a very fitting name you gave him.”

Once again, everyone laughed. It gave Alexander happiness to know that he was the reason for their laughter. 

Alexander gave this ‘Thomas Jefferson’ guy a new sign name that consisted of the letter ‘t’ for Thomas and the sign for clothes, at the end he opened his hand to signify an explosion. When Alexander showed the group, they all laughed and began making jokes about Thomas.

Eventually, lunch ended and Alexander’s newfound friends left for their dorms, however, since was taking six classes he had to go to his next law class.

He cleaned up his tray and headed for the law building once more, Alex walked with urgency for he wanted to be early. 

Once he found the classroom, he expressed his gratitude to his translator for the earlier events with john and sat in the front row. This classroom was the same as the rest with the exception of the large window on the side of the room opposite the door. Outside there was a large grassy field dotted with trees and buildings. It was a great view.

Students poured into the room and filled up the seats in a matter of seconds. Once the seemingly last student sat down, Alex’s worst nightmare barged in. Thomas Jefferson noticed Alex and gracefully sat down next to him. Thomas looked at him with those vibrant brown eyes of his and pulled out a notebook. He scribbled ‘how was your lunch with the Threesome?’ Alexander stared in shock at the words. ‘Is that supposed to be some kind of childish insult?’ Thomas just smirked at the question wrote a retort ‘Do you not know what means? Are you so impaired that you don’t know what a threesome is?’ Alex’s face turned red with anger at Thomas’ little impairment bit. The guy is a true asshole. ‘How insensitive can he be?! Wait, I don’t want the answer to that question because I’m sure he’s just a heartless asshat with no concept of respect or understanding of other’s feelings.’ Alex thought to himself, hoping maybe through some weird telepathic moment Jefferson would hear his internal rant about how much he hates Thomas.

\--Thomas  
Alexander’s face contorted with rage and Thomas swears his blush was as red as a tomato. The guy looked like he was about to explode. Thomas knew he’d struck a chord with Alex, he could practically feel the rage radiating from him. The smaller man grabbed his notebook and started scribbling on it, he held it up for Thomas to read, ‘YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW OFFENSIVE THAT IS?! YOU’RE SUCH A HEARTLESS PRICK! YOUR IDEALS ARE NOTHING BUT FASCIST AND YOU APPARENTLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE GOVERNMENT EVEN WORKS! I SUGGEST YOU GO TAKE A CLASS ON HOW TO UNDERSTAND BASIC HUMAN FEELINGS AND LEARN HOW TO ACTUALLY BE AN EFFECTIVE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL! IF YOU THINK YOU’RE SOMEHOW BETTER THAN ME, YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF AND WHEN YOU’RE DONE I’LL SMACK THAT SMIRK RIGHT OFF YOUR PRETTY FACE!’

Thomas saw this as an invitation to press on with his taunts, ‘Wow, you actually managed fit that on one page while using childish means of getting your points across. Capitalizing everything just makes you look like more of an ass if that’s even possible. And for your information, I do know how the government works, I am also not fascist nor a bastard. Did you call me pretty? Thank you! I didn’t know you swung that way! That’s such a compliment!’

With that, Alexander wrote a several page essay on why Thomas should never consider governing. He spent half the class on it, then accused Thomas of obstructing his learning.   
\--

‘That man is insufferable!’ Alexander thought to himself as he left the classroom. He spent half the class on an essay about Thomas’ stupidity, the idiot took up his precious time that was supposed to be used for learning and turned it into an essay. It was official, Alex hated Thomas’ guts.


	2. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is met with a torrent of emotions. Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd also like to say that this story is not meant to represent the whole deaf community, it is merely Alex's experience. Everyone is different. Please don't be offended.
> 
> And it seems that every time I finish my chapters, it's really late at night. What is wrong with me?

The dorm buildings were tall, rectangular, and very, very old. The stones were weathered and dark, it looked like the building could collapse at any moment. There was no paint either, if there had been at one point in time it was definitely gone. The building looked generally glum. It looked kind of like a prison, of course it was definitely going to be much more fun than a real prison but it looked exactly like an 1800s prison nonetheless.

Alex walked into the gloomy building and was immediately confronted by a man in a suit signing to him.

ASL, Translator: “Hello! Welcome! Are you Alexander Hamilton?”  
ASL, Alex: “Yes.”  
ASL, Translator: “Great! Come with me, I’ll check you in and show you to your room.”

Hamilton followed the man to the desk, put a check next to his name, then they headed up the stairs to the fourth floor. The inside of the dorm wasn’t as bad as the outside, however, all the walls were painted with a bright yellow colour and white trim. There was one blue stripe that ran along the middle of all of the walls. It was unquestionably hideous. Whoever painted this building must've been out of their goddamn mind if they actually choose such a terrible colour scheme. 

When they reached the fourth floor, they walked down a long corridor to a door with a plaque that had ‘432’ on it. 

ASL, Translator: “These are your keys and this is your room. Your roommate will come tomorrow.”  
ASL, Alexander: “Thank you very much.”

Alex entered his dorm room and let out a sigh of relief when he saw the walls were not the same offending yellow. The room was relatively small, there were two beds on the far side of the room with a window in the middle looking out onto the city. There was a desk with a comfy looking black office chair and an odd looking lamp. There was a door in the short hallway that lead to the bathroom. Inside there was simply a shower, sink, and toilet. Nothing was too fancy, Alex was satisfied. The walls were even a dark green, Alex’s favourite colour.

He dropped his suitcase filled with the minimal amount of belongings he owned onto his bed. All Alex brought with him was a change of clothes, -he needed to buy more- his school supplies, and his laptop. 

Alexander decided to whip out his laptop and lay on his bed. He opened his email and checked to see if he recieved anything from his new friends. They had exchanged email addresses during lunch since Alex had no phone. He found an invitation to a chat group. He accepted and found a torrent of innuendo from ‘Pisser Dans Un Violon’ (This is a French term for ‘it’s useless’ it directly translates into ‘pissing in a violin’) Alex guessed this was Lafayette. The Frenchman continued to turn everything Hercules was saying into some form of sexual innuendo. ‘What have I gotten myself into?’ Alex was questioning his life choices at this point. He really didn’t want to know Arnold Schwarzenegger’s dick length. Poor Hercules kept trying to resist Lafayette’s claims but it was to no avail. 

Lock_Up_Your_Horses: If you keep turning my words into innuendo, I won’t talk to you for a week!

PisserDansUnViolon: You can try but I’m sure that once we’re alone you wouldn’t be able to stand being away from me.

Lock_Up_Your_Horses: Lafayette! Stop it now!

PisserDansUnViolon: Yes, scream my name, it turns me on.

Lock_Up_Your_Horses: Ugh!

JohnnyBoy: Lafayette, seriously, you’ll scare Alex away.  
HammockStand: I think I’m already scared. I never knew Lafayette was so sexually active online. Do you often engage in picking up one night stands?

PisserDansUnViolon: You’re on Alex, come at me.

Lock_Up_Your_Horses: Am I supposed to take being a one night stand lightly? Is that some sort of defense for me? I’m really confused as to whether or not I should take that as an insult…

HammockStand: Lafayette, your innuendo will never be as good as mine. Trust me on this, you just need to submit to my power and leave poor Hercules alone. 

PisserDansUnViolon: As if! My innuendo is the best around! I will never submit! You’ll have to me make me. *Wink*

HammockStand: Oh please, you would never be able to handle my pace.

JohnnyBoy: Oh Jesus… Why do you start these things Laf? Just why? Why are you assaulting our brains with this nonsense?

PisserDansUnViolon: Your pace? Please, get real, hun. I’m so much stronger and way more dominant than you could ever be.

HammockStand: You may be physically stronger than me, but that doesn’t mean your dominant. In intercourse, dominance is ascertained by mental state, some people can have a strong physique but are still submissive. And besides, you’d never know if you’re dominant over me because we’ve never had a sexual relationship.

PisserDansUnViolon: We could always start a sexual relationship. Then we’d know for sure.  
HammockStand: Wow, you’re only proving my one night stand statement. I think you should really see a therapist for your sex addiction.  
PisserDansUnViolon: Dang Alex! I can’t win this fight. Sigh  
Alex smirked in satisfaction, it was rewarding to win a debate. John changed the conversation topic back to normal everyday struggles  
\--Timeskip  
Alex woke up to flashing lights. Apparently the school bought him an alarm light, it flickered obnoxiously, the lights were extremely bright. Alex tried to ignore it, alas, it was to no avail, he motivated himself to get out of bed and turn it off. The only flaw in his plan was that he didn’t know how. The alarm light was simple, it was made up of a short metal pole with four LED lights on top. Alex searched the light for some sort of switch and found none. He then studied the table the light was on and still found nothing. Though the light was a nice thought, Alexander became increasingly annoyed at the thing. It wouldn’t stop flashing.

Alex sighed. He'd have to travel all the way across campus to the office building. Alexander stomped over to his suitcase and fiddled with the bent latches. It opened with a satisfying click. He grabbed his puffy winter jacket and slipped it on. He gave himself a quick once-over in the bathroom mirror before opening the door to fond his translator on the other side.

ASL, Translator: “I’m very sorry! I forgot to give you the remote for your alarm light yesterday!”  
He handed Alex a tiny rectangular remote with one button on it that said ‘On/Off’  
ASL, Alexander: “It’s okay, thank you.”

With that the man left and Alex immediately slammed the door, turned around and shut the light off. 

Alex threw on a gray t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans then he grabbed his stuff and headed out the door. He was momentarily blinded by the clash of colors on the walls as he entered the corridor. There were a couple of students walking down the corridor as well, he purposefully fell behind so as to make sure they didn’t try to talk to him. He once again felt that pang of loneliness that only seemed to consume him at the best of times.

Hamilton exited the dorm and headed to the law building. The trees swayed in the breeze, sending the dappled early morning light upon the ground. Alex took a deep breath of the crisp morning air and started on his way. The courtyard grass crunched under his weight, everything is covered in frost, Alex hoped it would melt and it’s get warmer. Alex has yet to get used to the ridiculous American weather. A violent shiver ran down his spine as the cold air seeped into his poor clothing choice.

He stepped inside the law building and breathed a sigh of relief as warmth enveloped him once again. Alex pushed through the mass of students to get to his law class with Washington. He was met with a series of unfortunate events on his way. First, Fashion Explosion, formally known as Thomas Jefferson wrapped his arm around Alex’s shoulders, causing him to jump away from the offending arm. This proved to be ineffective because Thomas had a very strong grip so it didn’t take much for him to pull Alexander back and hold him against his chest. Alex could feel his face blush, he felt strange, he should try to get away because Jefferson is an ass. However, Alex felt protected against his muscular body. Alex’s internal battle was apparently evident on his face because Thomas then decided to hold a notebook in front of his face that had ‘Hello, Alex. You look awfully flustered’ written on it. How the hell did Thomas guess he would be flustered?! 

Alex plastered an angered expression on his face and looked up at Thomas. Jefferson just grinned devilishly and blew him a kiss. Alex was freaked out beyond comprehension so he just tore Thomas off of him and stormed down the hall. He needed to gather his thoughts. 

Every particle of his body screamed different messages. He was in a stupor for once. What was Thomas’ motive? Did Alexander enjoy Thomas’ arms around him? Why didn’t he flee sooner? Why did Thomas act like he hated Alexander but then show an odd form of affection? 

Alex had so many questions running through his mind, he couldn’t make sense of them. He walked into the classroom and sat in the front row. Once he pulled his stuff out he felt something hit him on the back of the head. He whipped around and looked at the floor, there was a piece of crumpled paper by his chair leg. Alex picked it up and opened it, his look of surprise quickly faded into one of devastation as he read what was on it. The words ‘Deaf fag’ were written on it. Alex had seen discrimination before, some people are just born idiots. However, that didn’t mean it hadn’t hurt him. It only reminded him of his inability to fight back, if he could speak, no one would give him any form of shit because he’d have a million comebacks before their slow brains could form a single thought. Alex began riling himself up, he could feel the void in his chest form. Alex’s thoughts ran wild, he thought of all the horrible things that people used to do to him because of his deafness. He started to tremble, his heart raced, and all he could think of was the terrifying feeling of being unable to say anything. His limbs started to go numb, an odd crawling feeling slowly travelled up his arms and poured into Alex’s chest. He felt like he was about to have a heart attack. Alex hugged his chest, fearful of his ever increasing heart rate. He tried to breath only to find that his throat closed. Alexander was convinced that he would die at this very moment. He tried to blink back the tears that threatened to form, it was to no avail, his cheeks felt like fire as tears ran down his face uncontrollably. Alexander’s eyes were wide, he looked down at his desk, trying to even out his breathing. Alex let his hair fall in front of his face, trying to make sure no one knew what was going on, he didn’t want to embarrass himself further. 

Next thing he knew, a large hand grabbed his shoulder. Alex dared to steal a glance in the direction the hand came from. To his disappointment, it was Thomas. The guy never left him alone it seemed. Thomas met his eyes and a look of shock formed on his face, then Jefferson did something Alexander would never expect him to ever do, he grabbed his hand and yanked him out of his chair. Thomas held him close and ushered him out of class before Alex could protest. They walked down the hall a ways and took a sharp turn into an empty classroom. Thomas sat him down in one of the seats. 

Thomas whipped out a notebook and started writing, he held it in front of Alexander’s face, it said ‘Are you okay? Are you having a panic attack?’ Alex was taken aback by this. Why would Thomas care? Alex thought he was just a heartless bastard, there was apparently more to him than meets the eye. Alex grabbed the notebook and held out his hand for the pencil. Thomas obliged and handed it over, Alexander scribbled ‘I’m fine, I just panicked a little’ on it. Thomas read it and gave him an unconvinced look. ‘That didn’t look like “a little” panicked, that looked like immense fear’ Alex was once again surprised by Thomas’ perceptive nature, however, he really didn’t want to confess his level of fear. Nor did he want to discuss why he panicked. Alex wrote ‘And who are you to decide my level of fear? Why do you even care?’ It was Thomas’ turn to be surprised. He hesitated, he looked hurt and conflicted. Then, instead of answering, he just knelt down and hugged Alexander close to his chest.

Alex didn’t know whether to freak out and run away, or sink into the comfort that was enveloping him. Thomas kept surprising Alexander today, he didn’t know what spurred it. All of these events were so confusing. 

Hamilton felt like he’d been hit with a freight train, he realized what was going on. Since yesterday when Jefferson insulted Alex with just about the worst insult possible, Jefferson has been on edge. When Alex had seen him walking around campus, they made eye contact but Thomas gave him a devastated expression and quickly looked away. Then today Jefferson hugged him. These events inevitably led to the situation they were in right now. 

Jefferson dug his face into Alexander’s neck and let out a heavy sigh. Thomas let go of Alexander and wrote ‘I’m sorry for being such an asshole yesterday. I wrote those words in a teasing manner, but that’s not an excuse for being an absolute shit-eater. I really don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am truly sorry.’ Thomas gave the notebook to Alexander, he dared not look him in the eye. Alex read Thomas’ words several times over, savoring the apology, then he wrote ‘I forgive you, but you really did act like an ass, never say that to me again or you’ll have another thing coming.’ 

Thomas smiled and nodded. Took the notebook and wrote ‘I promise I’ll never insult you like that again.’  
\--- Timeskip  
Alexander’s day went by quickly after his encounter with Jefferson. All his classes kept him hungry for more knowledge per usual. No one bothered him for the rest of the day, granted, there was still the question as to how that person knew he was deaf and why they called him a fag. Alexander didn’t want to believe it, however, Thomas is the only one who would tell people that information. Alexander felt deeply hurt, he’d grown a bit fond of Thomas due to their last encounter. Hamilton was willing to give the benefit of the doubt to Thomas, he thought maybe someone caught on because of Alex and his friends signing.

Whilst travelling back to his dorm room, Alexander contemplated these thoughts. The sun was beginning to set, bright oranges and purples danced on the surface of the clouds. The sky was beautifully reflected by the water in the fountain, the image distorted by water cascading down and into the pool below. Alexander marveled at the beauty of the campus garden before walking into the dorm building. He climbed up the stairs, walked down the corridor and found a note on his door that had ‘fag house’ written on it. Alex tore it off and crumpled it. He would’ve thrown it out of window, he decided it would be better to just rip it to shreds and throw it in the garbage.

He opened his door, the sight that presented itself glued him to the floor. He stood, paralyzed in shock at none other than Thomas Jefferson, laying down in the bed next to his. Let alone in his obnoxious purple flannels. Alexander was confused for a second and then a wave of realization washed over him. Thomas is Alexander’s roommate.


	3. I Don't Deserve You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Alexander fight, like always. Fluff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to leave all y'all on that cliffhanger. I had a little case of writer's block, so this chapter might be a tad shorter than the other ones. And once again, this is not meant to represent the deaf community as a whole. I'm not deaf or hard of hearing so I don't speak from experience.

Alex just stared in horror at Jefferson. Thomas was lying down on top of the sheets, his dark curls framing the man’s sharp features. He looked up from the book he was reading to give Alexander a goofy grin. His eyes were vaguely reminiscent of roughly-cut gems, and they glittered softly.

Hamilton’s stomach dropped, he thought to himself, ‘Why is it that everything bad that could possibly happen to me, does?’ Alexander felt so helpless. He had no control over the situation or his feelings. His brain said no but his heart said yes. Alexander usually sees Thomas as an asshole, earlier today, that notion did a one-eighty. It had turned out the man actually had the capacity for affection. At the same time, Thomas can be a true ass-hat. That leak of information about his deafness was still in the corner of his mind, it loomed over his thoughts, taunting him. He felt tempted to just blindly explode at the man, yet, he also wanted to forgive him if he had actually told the entire school he is deaf. These thoughts racing through his mind scared him. He didn’t know what to think. 

It was like the universe was pissing on him without even having the courtesy to call it rain.

Alex stormed into the room, ripped his jacket and scarf off of the bed, then headed towards the door. He felt that large, comforting hand on his shoulder again, Jefferson turned Alex around and aggressively shoved a notebook into his line of view. ‘Where are you going?’ was written on the page. Alex took the book and pencil, he wrote ‘I’m sleeping outside!’ on it. He rushed out the door without another thought. 

He stormed down the disgusting corridor, all the nasty colours proving to be especially distasteful in the moonlight. Alex’s mind was consumed with rage, nothing made sense anymore, he felt weak in the knees trying to think straight. If there’s anything Alex isn’t, it’s straight, that notion can be applied to many aspects of his life. 

The night air was freezing, Alex could see his breath become fog right before his eyes. He headed into the courtyard, the trees looked hellish in the eerie moonlight. Their dark limbs twisted in grotesque ways, it seemed as if they were being forcefully contorted. It was an unsettling scene, however, Alex didn’t have a choice. He would never admit defeat to the asshole in his dorm room. The pompous bastard would never let him live it down. 

The moonlight gave everything a silver hue, only adding to the ghastly scene on front of him. It lit the path well enough for him to find a dark green metal bench to sleep on. It was set up under a large oak tree, it seemed to threaten Alex, daring him to fall asleep. Well, he dared. Alex was regretting not taking a pillow or blanket with him because he could feel the cold seep into his jacket.

He plopped down onto the bench and laid down. He used his one arm as a pillow and the other to bring his legs up to his chest. Alex had been through so many stressful events that day he just needed time to himself. Sleep consumed him almost immediately as he closed his eyes.

\--Thomas POV

Jefferson lay awake in his bed. He couldn’t stop worrying about Alexander. He had given Thomas such an intensely angry expression it practically burned a hole through him. Thomas didn’t even know what he did. Apparently the apology from earlier wasn’t enough. He’d have to try harder. 

 

Thomas rolled over and looked at his clock, it was 2:00 A. M. and Alexander still insisted on sleeping outside. He knew the guy was stubborn as a mule, but this was reaching the point of insanity. 

 

He knew Alex would never come back into the room of his own volition, therefore Thomas guessed he had to make that decision for him. He decided to bring Alexander back. Thomas flung the irresistibly warm sheets off of him and slid out of bed. Thomas braced himself against the cold night air. It greeted his bare skin with a frozen embrace. It sent shivers up his spine. He shuffled to the foot of the bed where his coat was nicely folded, he slipped it on. The fuzzy fabric quickly heating his skin and giving him the confidence to brave the freezing night.

The air nipped Thomas’ skin as he stepped into the unforgiving cold. Thomas panicked a little, this was really cold weather for the measly jacket and scarf Alex had taken before he left. Jefferson walked down the path towards the fountain. He wanted to find Alexander quick to make sure he didn’t get hypothermia.

He made his way down the dark forest path, the trees looming over him, sending judgemental glares his way. Nature always seemed to hate him at night. He continued walking past rows upon rows of flowers glowing a ghastly silver from the light of the moon. Eventually, he spotted a lump on a bench. 

To Thomas’ delight, the shorter male lay asleep on the tiny seat. Alex was curled into a ball on a dark green bench. Thomas could barely make out Alex’s face due to the fact that it was buried in a scarf. 

Thomas took in the sight of a sleeping Alexander. He would’ve looked peaceful if he hadn’t been shivering. He couldn’t believe the man could sleep through his own body temperature dropping. 

Looking at Alexander, Thomas couldn’t help but be reminded of his feelings. He was well aware of them after all. Thomas hated to like Alexander, yet at the same time, he couldn’t imagine himself truly hating him. His facade creates a brilliant illusion of arrogance and selfishness. He might act like he hates the guy, in reality, he really does like him. Alexander has such an attractive personality, it was hard not to have feelings for him. Thomas was scared though, he had been hurt so many times, he didn’t think he could take any more heartbreak. Besides, Alexander hated him, he made sure of that. Nothing was ever going to work between them and Thomas knew this, no matter how much it pained him, he didn’t deserve a man like Alexander. He would never benefit the other man, he would only bring a false sense of hope which would probably shatter quickly considering all of the affairs he’s had. Thomas was a cheater, and people never changed, Thomas didn’t believe he could change either.

 

Thomas was snapped out of his thoughts by Alexander shifting, he hugged his legs closer. Jefferson took this as a sign to pick him up. He wrapped his arms around Alex’s legs and back, he lifted him off the bench and carried him bridal style. Alex was lighter than he expected. Hamilton began to shift in Thomas’ arms. Jefferson froze. His breath caught in his throat as he thought about the awkward situation he’d be in if Alexander woke up in his arms. 

Luckily, Alex didn’t wake up. However, he did nuzzle his face into the crook of Thomas’ neck. The shorter man clung to him, Thomas’ heart skipped a beat from this show of sleepy affection. Thomas could feel his cheeks getting warm, so he straightened and briskly walked back up to their dorm room. He hoped and prayed no one would see him doing this. He’d never hear the end of it.

Jefferson pulled back the blankets in Alexander’s bed, he laid the man down and tucked him in. Thomas took out the man’s pony tail. Stray hairs fell in his face as he did so. Thomas tenderly pushed them back behind Alex’s ear. The feeling of Alexander’s skin sent a pleasurable shiver up Thomas’ spine.  
\--

Alex was snapped out of his dream by a flashing light. He slowly opened his eyes to a blinding light. Alexander breathed a sigh of relief, yesterday’s events had just been some sort of twisted nightmare. A wave of ecstacy washed over him. He felt giddy.

He reached up to grab the lamp’s remote off of the headboard. Alex clicked the button, he felt a satisfying pop and the incessant flashing stopped. Alex grinned at the relief. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and his eyes met Thomas’ gaze. His stomach just about dropped four stories. The realization of, ‘oh, that wasn’t a dream’ hit him like a freight train. The divine forces really did hate him. 

Hamilton just stared at Thomas, shock evident on his face. An unsettling feeling came over him when he realized Thomas had to have carried him back. Alex’s face felt hot, he was undoubtedly blushing.

Thomas grabbed his notebook off of his bed’s headboard and wrote, ‘Don’t look so surprised’ on a blank page. Thomas looked terribly confused, he really didn’t understand why Alex was looking at him like he was an alien.

Alexander snatched the notebook and wrote, ‘I’m certainly surprised to find myself in my bed! Why did you bring me back here?!’ in sharp looking scribbles that barely resembled letters. Thomas looked dumbfounded, he still had no idea why Alex was aggressive all of a sudden.

Thomas carefully took the book out of Alexander’s grasp, he ever so eloquently wrote, ‘Because I was afraid you would’ve gotten sick from being outside in the cold weather. I didn’t want to get sick, especially from you. And you already make me sick enough.’ If Alex was going to get angry, Thomas would put on his facade. He took pride in the fact that he could hide his thoughts so easily.

As Alexander read, his expression went from confusion to frustration. Thomas really had a way of riling the man up. With that, Alexander smacked the book out of Thomas’ hand. He glared daggers at him before a look of pain contorted his face, he looked so forlorn. Thomas wished he could take back what he said, the poor guy didn’t need scorn, he had enough to deal with already.

Alex turned on his heels and stormed out of the dorm room. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, down the ugly corridor, down the endless flights of stairs, and out into the winter morning. A sudden wave of despair washed over him. He felt his cheeks heat up, the tears threatened to fall. Alex was ashamed for being so weak, he couldn’t fight, he couldn’t speak, and he couldn’t hear. He was helpless and weak and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He ran behind the dorm building and collapsed against the gray brick wall. All of his emotions poured out of him. He assumed the fetal position, his body violently shook with quiet sobs. The feeling of being unable to speak was unbearable. Alex was a man of many words that has been reduced to a quiet bystander. He felt that void feeling, that emotion that persisted. It bared its ugly teeth at the worst of times. The emptiness engulfed him, he felt separate from the world, loneliness filled him since nothing else could. Happiness was never an option when he felt this way. All he longed for was the sensation of being able to let his words spill from his mouth without sounding warped or odd. The void consumed every limb and every appendage, his whole body was whisked away from reality, into a world where nothing is and nothing will be. His body was suspended in the prison that was his own mind. His thoughts trapped, unable to leave. A tingly feeling spread across his body, it traveled up his arms, into his chest, flowed to his legs, until he felt completely paralyzed. His heartbeat felt freakishly slow. He felt like he should be scared, but what was the point? If he died now, he’d die without being able to voice anything. If he died later, he most likely wouldn’t be able to speak then either. There really was no good option anymore. Alex felt like he just wanted the ground to engulf him, bury him deep below the pain of the real world. He wanted an escape from all of this. Nothing was worth it anymore. He had nothing to live for. 

His body betrayed him, the tingling then began to feel more like something crawling under his skin. He imagined himself as a tree infested with termites. That was what he felt like. It made the hair on his neck stand on end. In these situations, he felt terrible when he had no one to hold onto, to ground himself in reality with. He needed someone. He just didn’t know who. So he sat alone, sobbing until all of the pent up emotions were let loose and he reassumed his emotionless, robotic state.


End file.
